Red, white and blue- the colors we tend to associate with America. I've been thinking about this blog for a while. As a matter of fact, its really hard for me to put this blog into words. I am not sure I can do it, or that it will turn out the way I want- but here goes:
I am a military wife- this is something that you will not hear me talk much about. Not because I am not extremely proud of my husbands job, but simply because of what he does or does not do. Let me try to explain. I am a wife of a military man. That man is in the Army and is part of a special group. They come and go a lot, he is rarely home, and when he is- we try to spend as much time together as possible. He has taught me to do things I never thought I would do- like shoot a gun. Turns out, I am not half bad if I can get over the nervousness of the sound of the gun firing. He has taught me to be more independent, or perhaps that just comes with the territory of this special group- not sure about that one. When he leaves, it is just me, the dog and cat, and half the time I don't say a word that he isn't here. Its not safe for me to tell people. He doesn't go to work like everyone else- his job is different. Its no 9-5. Once people can accept that, then our lives become easier. I don't post things on facebook, or talk about it much- though if you listen well enough- you can figure it out. People don't understand how difficult our life is together, and that is partly our fault. We cannot educate people on our life or our challenges that we face. Most 'civilians', which I hate using that term, find what I do as a military wife to be crazy. They tend to think that they could not do "it". "It" being deployments, lonely nights, no communication with their husband, not knowing if or when he will come home... however, I tend to disagree. I think that a person can do anything they put their mind to. Civilians do not tell their husbands they cannot go to work- whether his job is a banker, lawyer, janitor, teacher, mechanic- do you tell him, "Honey, don't go to work today" ? He would laugh in your face- afterall, he goes to work to help provide for you and your family.... which is exactly how I look at what Jason does. Its his job. I don't tell him not to go to work- the government would frown upon that! I don't have to agree with what he does, where he goes, how long he leaves, but I do need to support him in everything that he does. Even when he is wrong, I give him my opinion, but I still support him- just as civilians support their husbands. To me, I look at it without differences- partly because I want to lead as normal of a life as possible.
Sure, I am in a different time zone and 11/10+ hours away from my family and friends in VA, but when I go home I make every effort to meet up with as many people as possible. I try to make it back multiple times a year because I miss my friends and my family a lot. I miss the support that I got without having to ask for it (THAT is BIG). It comes naturally for my family and friends- and that I find comfort in. When my family or friends do not get something, I can be very up front and set them straight. This is not the case for his family. His family is 5+ hours away (6 on the clock), but we don't have a great bond. I've never really been accepted into his family or at least never felt like it. The first time I met them, his dad turned to me when Jason went to the bathroom and said, "What are your plans for my son?" Talk about speechless, and there have been plenty of occurrences that continue to leave me speechless in dealing with them. Needless to say, I have been with Jason for 8 years, dated for 5 and married for 3, and still feel like I am an outcast to them. Not feeling supported by his family has not made our lives easy. I am convinced that they do not understand his job or the demands he has because of his job. Sure we email or 'talk' on the phone- but its mostly about the weather- as this is the common thing that they feel comfortable talking about with me. None of that makes a deployment easier. Plain and simple- I hope that by having Wyatt, it improves our relationship... even improve their relationship with Jason. Its just a hope.
The reality is, I know everyone has their issues and we never know every issue for every one. There is always someone who is worse off than we are. We should not dwell on all of the negatives that are in our lives, but think about others. One of my friends out here, her husband has been gone for almost a year. A YEAR PEOPLE. He just returned this weekend!!! :) So how could I complain that Jason will be gone for months? The truth is, I can't- and don't. Well, maybe every now and then but I am a little extra hormonal these days. :) Being in the military is different, it has its ups and downs. It will certainly take me on adventures I never thought I would go on. The next adventure will be giving birth to our first child June 16th. The adventure to this is we hope Jason will be back for the birth.... I think he will be cutting it close. :)
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