No word- verb, adjective, noun- can describe my life in the recent months. No words that I begin to write on paper can do my life justice. I can begin to tell "you" what has happened from my perspective over the past few months.
Let me begin by saying June 16th was my due date. Wyatt had other plans.
Often I find myself planning for things- dinner, vacations, weekend get-a-ways etc. However, I didn't plan for this.
On Easter Sunday, my water broke at 3:30 in the morning. Mom was here and we packed a bag and headed to Gateway Medical Center. In the back of my mind, I am thinking that my water broke too early... I still have 8 weeks until my due date. I get checked in and we are immediately taken to Labor and Delivery. Wyatt and I are hooked up to machines for monitoring. I am given medicine to stop my labor and steroids for improve his chances of healthy lungs once he is born. They want me/him to have at least 2 doses of this medicine before he is born and we can only get the medicine every 12 hours. They begin giving me antibiotics in case I have an infection, which is normal to give mothers when their water breaks so early. I meet my nurse and got settled in my bed. I am officially on bed rest- can't even get up to pee. How fun!?!?! My nurse tells me about my Doctor, Dr. Johnston, that 'she is cool and will let you (me) have popsicles.' I think to myself, no food- just popsicles?! Great... I should be in a fantastic mood in a few hours without food. :) My nurse and doctor reassure me that things look good, I believe I asked every time they came in how Wyatt was doing and each time they said he was doing well. I waited until morning to call people...I let Brie and Deana know where I was and what was going on. Mom called Dad and my sister. We waited until we knew more to call anybody else. I called the Red Cross like I was told to do and that was a mistake. The person I talked to told me they only give Red Cross messages for the birth of the baby unless it is an emergency. I explained I was delivering my baby 8 weeks early but she didn't seem to think that was an emergency. She questioned who told me to call for this... I was floored at what she was saying. I cannot tell you how incredibly frustrated this whole phone conversation was.... I had the nursing staff and the doctors prepared for a phone call from the Red Cross, in case they called. Mike ended up handling this for me- he called them back that afternoon and got someone who understood and they tried to make things right, but by then it was too late. By that point, Leah had already gotten in touch with Josh who began to try to figure out how ot get Jason home. I am so thankful for their fast-acting willingness to get him home. Looking back, I am not sure I could have gone through the next few days without him.
I didn't sleep much Sunday night. I slept off and on, but not more than 30 minutes at a time. I couldn't get comfortable. Monday morning, Deana came to hang out and by this point, Jason was on his way home. I figure that he will be in Tuesday morning at the earliest. I received an epidural, which was awesome! Mom, Deana and I are just hanging out and my nurse comes in and checks on things. Its about 8:20 and she checks me and says, 'oh its about time to deliver your baby.' Oh my... didn't realize it would be now. Thought I would have felt contractions or something but didn't have much warning that I could feel. She used her nifty communication tool and called all the doctor in and the NICU staff. Before I knew it, there were quite a few people in the room waiting for Wyatt to come. At 8:51 am, after 4 pushes, yes only 4, I delivered a 3lb 8 oz baby boy. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck but Dr. Johnston easily took care of that. He was swept to the NICU staff, who were waiting in the room, and I waited patiently while Deana and Mom took some pictures of them working on him. Dr. Huang, the neonatal doctor at Gateway, brought Wyatt over to me where I held him for a mere 30 seconds before he took him away to the NICU. After what seemed like a few minutes, Dr. Johnston came into the room and asked for my camera so she could take some pictures of him. Dr. Huang came in and told me he was doing well and that I could see him whenever I wanted. Soon after that I was whisked off to the Postpartum Ward. A few hours passed and Dr. Huang came in to check on me and to tell me that his first set of levels looked good but that they would do more tests in a little bit- he was going to go home but he would check-in the morning.
That morning, Dr. Huang came in early and gave me a report. He said they Wyatt's hemocratic level went down at the 12 hr mark. He told me that if the 24 hour test comes back low as well, then we may need to go to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital in Nashville for further testing, but that would be precautionary. Dr. Huang came back a few hours later and asked if he could send Wyatt to Vanderbilt. I agreed immediately, and he said that he already called and they are on their way. By this point, Jason is on US soil- had a layover in DC where he knows Wyatt was born and that we will probably spend some time in the NICU at Gateway. His next phone call from we was a little different. Jason went home and showered, and came to Gateway. I warned him that we me be going to Nashville to Vandy and he had questions but I let Dr. Huang explain it all to him. Just seeing my husband after him begin gone for all of this, made me break down. He was walking off of a plane to come to a hospital just to get back in the car and go to another one. By now, the transport team from Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, has arrived at Gateway and Dr. Huang has stepped aside and is talking to us- filling Jason in on everything. We get done with Dr. Huang and Jason is finally able to see his son.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Red, White, and Blue
Red, white and blue- the colors we tend to associate with America. I've been thinking about this blog for a while. As a matter of fact, its really hard for me to put this blog into words. I am not sure I can do it, or that it will turn out the way I want- but here goes:
I am a military wife- this is something that you will not hear me talk much about. Not because I am not extremely proud of my husbands job, but simply because of what he does or does not do. Let me try to explain. I am a wife of a military man. That man is in the Army and is part of a special group. They come and go a lot, he is rarely home, and when he is- we try to spend as much time together as possible. He has taught me to do things I never thought I would do- like shoot a gun. Turns out, I am not half bad if I can get over the nervousness of the sound of the gun firing. He has taught me to be more independent, or perhaps that just comes with the territory of this special group- not sure about that one. When he leaves, it is just me, the dog and cat, and half the time I don't say a word that he isn't here. Its not safe for me to tell people. He doesn't go to work like everyone else- his job is different. Its no 9-5. Once people can accept that, then our lives become easier. I don't post things on facebook, or talk about it much- though if you listen well enough- you can figure it out. People don't understand how difficult our life is together, and that is partly our fault. We cannot educate people on our life or our challenges that we face. Most 'civilians', which I hate using that term, find what I do as a military wife to be crazy. They tend to think that they could not do "it". "It" being deployments, lonely nights, no communication with their husband, not knowing if or when he will come home... however, I tend to disagree. I think that a person can do anything they put their mind to. Civilians do not tell their husbands they cannot go to work- whether his job is a banker, lawyer, janitor, teacher, mechanic- do you tell him, "Honey, don't go to work today" ? He would laugh in your face- afterall, he goes to work to help provide for you and your family.... which is exactly how I look at what Jason does. Its his job. I don't tell him not to go to work- the government would frown upon that! I don't have to agree with what he does, where he goes, how long he leaves, but I do need to support him in everything that he does. Even when he is wrong, I give him my opinion, but I still support him- just as civilians support their husbands. To me, I look at it without differences- partly because I want to lead as normal of a life as possible.
Sure, I am in a different time zone and 11/10+ hours away from my family and friends in VA, but when I go home I make every effort to meet up with as many people as possible. I try to make it back multiple times a year because I miss my friends and my family a lot. I miss the support that I got without having to ask for it (THAT is BIG). It comes naturally for my family and friends- and that I find comfort in. When my family or friends do not get something, I can be very up front and set them straight. This is not the case for his family. His family is 5+ hours away (6 on the clock), but we don't have a great bond. I've never really been accepted into his family or at least never felt like it. The first time I met them, his dad turned to me when Jason went to the bathroom and said, "What are your plans for my son?" Talk about speechless, and there have been plenty of occurrences that continue to leave me speechless in dealing with them. Needless to say, I have been with Jason for 8 years, dated for 5 and married for 3, and still feel like I am an outcast to them. Not feeling supported by his family has not made our lives easy. I am convinced that they do not understand his job or the demands he has because of his job. Sure we email or 'talk' on the phone- but its mostly about the weather- as this is the common thing that they feel comfortable talking about with me. None of that makes a deployment easier. Plain and simple- I hope that by having Wyatt, it improves our relationship... even improve their relationship with Jason. Its just a hope.
The reality is, I know everyone has their issues and we never know every issue for every one. There is always someone who is worse off than we are. We should not dwell on all of the negatives that are in our lives, but think about others. One of my friends out here, her husband has been gone for almost a year. A YEAR PEOPLE. He just returned this weekend!!! :) So how could I complain that Jason will be gone for months? The truth is, I can't- and don't. Well, maybe every now and then but I am a little extra hormonal these days. :) Being in the military is different, it has its ups and downs. It will certainly take me on adventures I never thought I would go on. The next adventure will be giving birth to our first child June 16th. The adventure to this is we hope Jason will be back for the birth.... I think he will be cutting it close. :)
I am a military wife- this is something that you will not hear me talk much about. Not because I am not extremely proud of my husbands job, but simply because of what he does or does not do. Let me try to explain. I am a wife of a military man. That man is in the Army and is part of a special group. They come and go a lot, he is rarely home, and when he is- we try to spend as much time together as possible. He has taught me to do things I never thought I would do- like shoot a gun. Turns out, I am not half bad if I can get over the nervousness of the sound of the gun firing. He has taught me to be more independent, or perhaps that just comes with the territory of this special group- not sure about that one. When he leaves, it is just me, the dog and cat, and half the time I don't say a word that he isn't here. Its not safe for me to tell people. He doesn't go to work like everyone else- his job is different. Its no 9-5. Once people can accept that, then our lives become easier. I don't post things on facebook, or talk about it much- though if you listen well enough- you can figure it out. People don't understand how difficult our life is together, and that is partly our fault. We cannot educate people on our life or our challenges that we face. Most 'civilians', which I hate using that term, find what I do as a military wife to be crazy. They tend to think that they could not do "it". "It" being deployments, lonely nights, no communication with their husband, not knowing if or when he will come home... however, I tend to disagree. I think that a person can do anything they put their mind to. Civilians do not tell their husbands they cannot go to work- whether his job is a banker, lawyer, janitor, teacher, mechanic- do you tell him, "Honey, don't go to work today" ? He would laugh in your face- afterall, he goes to work to help provide for you and your family.... which is exactly how I look at what Jason does. Its his job. I don't tell him not to go to work- the government would frown upon that! I don't have to agree with what he does, where he goes, how long he leaves, but I do need to support him in everything that he does. Even when he is wrong, I give him my opinion, but I still support him- just as civilians support their husbands. To me, I look at it without differences- partly because I want to lead as normal of a life as possible.
Sure, I am in a different time zone and 11/10+ hours away from my family and friends in VA, but when I go home I make every effort to meet up with as many people as possible. I try to make it back multiple times a year because I miss my friends and my family a lot. I miss the support that I got without having to ask for it (THAT is BIG). It comes naturally for my family and friends- and that I find comfort in. When my family or friends do not get something, I can be very up front and set them straight. This is not the case for his family. His family is 5+ hours away (6 on the clock), but we don't have a great bond. I've never really been accepted into his family or at least never felt like it. The first time I met them, his dad turned to me when Jason went to the bathroom and said, "What are your plans for my son?" Talk about speechless, and there have been plenty of occurrences that continue to leave me speechless in dealing with them. Needless to say, I have been with Jason for 8 years, dated for 5 and married for 3, and still feel like I am an outcast to them. Not feeling supported by his family has not made our lives easy. I am convinced that they do not understand his job or the demands he has because of his job. Sure we email or 'talk' on the phone- but its mostly about the weather- as this is the common thing that they feel comfortable talking about with me. None of that makes a deployment easier. Plain and simple- I hope that by having Wyatt, it improves our relationship... even improve their relationship with Jason. Its just a hope.
The reality is, I know everyone has their issues and we never know every issue for every one. There is always someone who is worse off than we are. We should not dwell on all of the negatives that are in our lives, but think about others. One of my friends out here, her husband has been gone for almost a year. A YEAR PEOPLE. He just returned this weekend!!! :) So how could I complain that Jason will be gone for months? The truth is, I can't- and don't. Well, maybe every now and then but I am a little extra hormonal these days. :) Being in the military is different, it has its ups and downs. It will certainly take me on adventures I never thought I would go on. The next adventure will be giving birth to our first child June 16th. The adventure to this is we hope Jason will be back for the birth.... I think he will be cutting it close. :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
weather
What a beautiful past couple of days it has been out here! This time of year usually looms with bad weather from thunderstorms to tornadoes.... yes friends- we deal with tornadoes on a regular basis. Living in Virginia, I have not had many dealings with this type of weather but now- its a part of life. Tennessee, my friends, is a whole different ball game. Our first warning- not just watch- but warning came at the end of February this year so I am sure we are in for a very interesting weather pattern this spring/summer. February is VERY early in the season for such a thing. I find comfort in the friends I have made out here who check on me constantly during these times. They not only understand me and my hatred of weather, but they know I am alone.
The past few days have been abnormally warm- as a matter of fact Nashville broke a record at 91 degrees yesterday. Yes, it is only April. This brings me to issue #1- allergies. I LOVE being outside. As a matter of fact, those who know me, know that I would live at the beach- where I could enjoy the warm outdoors on a daily basis. I miss the beach, but that's a different blog. Having allergies and being pregnant is not a good combination- especially in Tennessee. Apparently Tennessee is one of the highest states in the nation for allergies. Awesome huh? Yeah, I think not. Only 9 more weeks, give or take of the pregnancy thing, but who knows about the allergies or tornadoes... guess only time will tell.
The past few days have been abnormally warm- as a matter of fact Nashville broke a record at 91 degrees yesterday. Yes, it is only April. This brings me to issue #1- allergies. I LOVE being outside. As a matter of fact, those who know me, know that I would live at the beach- where I could enjoy the warm outdoors on a daily basis. I miss the beach, but that's a different blog. Having allergies and being pregnant is not a good combination- especially in Tennessee. Apparently Tennessee is one of the highest states in the nation for allergies. Awesome huh? Yeah, I think not. Only 9 more weeks, give or take of the pregnancy thing, but who knows about the allergies or tornadoes... guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Appreciate the Apple
I am always amazed at my job. Literally, AT my job. If you are a parent or teacher, you will find some of this eye opening. One thing I know is that when the time comes, I am going to do more for my teachers, assistants and school personnel who work with my child because they deserve more.
For those of you who don't know, I am a teacher. Not just any teacher, a special education teacher in a medium sized county in Tennessee. I do not think that a teacher is 'just a teacher' mind you, so my sentence before had no underlying meaning. Teachers are not just teachers any more. Teachers are the adults in your child's life who sees your child the most, in return has the most influence on your child. Now, I am not saying that parents do not see their own children ever- but mathematically speaking- on average, the average teacher spends 6.5 hours with your student a day, taking out the remainder of the school day (1+ hour), and travel time to and from school (average 1 hour)- that's a total of 8 and a half hours that your child is not in your care. Given the way the school day works, families spend most of their time together in the evening- from 5-8, so factoring in dinner and homework- the quality time that children spend with parents is minimal, until the weekend. Now, I say all of that because as a teacher, I REALLY try to do what is best for each student that I teach. Each child comes from a different background and each situation is different. Taking all those factors into account, I would want to keep my child's teacher as happy as possible- after all, that teacher is helping me to raise my child. In fact, many parents leave that up to teachers- raising their child for them. I would love to help parent the 20+ kids on my caseload, but Tennessee has only charged me with educating your child with the standards it sees fit for my grade level. Not only do I have a set of academic standards to teach your child but I also only have 27 weeks to fit 36 weeks of work into that time.... not counting snow days that are inevitable- which always occur before our 5th grade writing assessment. So let me be clear, I am to teach your child standards that the state feels appropriate, be accountable for your test score in the spring and raise your child for you- you know- teach him/her life lessons that you don't have time for. On top of that, the government, yes- government, has decided that I need to be perfect-100% of my kids need to be passing their state mandated test by 2014. WOW.... but wait, I unfortunately am not done. Here is where, 'not just any teacher' comes into play. I am a special education teacher, which means I am legally bound to EVERY child on my caseload, which is different than the regular education teacher. I have IEP's (Individual Education Plan's) for each student on my caseload and I am legally responsible for that student and his/her education. I, like all teachers, assistants, and most staff, are over worked and under paid. Lots of people celebrate the spring, but special education teachers loathe the time of year...only because it is the time of year when IEP meetings have to occur, and state testing occurs. Lots of planning goes into an IEP meeting-creating the IEP itself, gathering all the appropriate members who need to be involved, meeting at a time which everyone has 'free', and discussing one student with the team for at least an hour. My favorite is when parents forget that they have this meeting. No matter how many notices are sent out, no matter if the parent request the meeting, no matter how much I do behind the scenes, it never fails- its never enough.
Today, I had a parent not show for a 7:30 meeting this morning. Mind you, this parent requested the day because she is off on Tuesdays and she requested 7:30. So when she has not shown by 7:45, I know that she isn't coming so I have to call her to see if everything is ok and if she wants us to reschedule the meeting or if I can send the paperwork home. After waking the parent up, from apparently a decent sleep, I basically get yelled at for calling. I apologized for the early phone call for starters, and proceeded to inform the parent that we were supposed to meet at 7:30 and asked if she had planned on coming and if everything was ok. Got snipped at and laughed at when I asked if she was coming in. Our conversation did not last much longer and I hung up and was half-speechless at what just occurred. I have to constantly remind myself that I LOVE my job. I do love my job, I am just tired of busting my butt for the happenings that occurred today- because believe me- it happens often.
So when the government steps in and wants us to be perfect, and wants to start taking things away from us- I get a little perturbed. I want to scream because the legislature has NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Do you think that the government is going to hold parents accountable for the poor living conditions that Johnny experiences, or the fact that Johnny never does any homework because parents are not home to help the kid, or Johnny doesn't get fed but for breakfast and lunch when he is at school- nope, none of that matters to the government. Its just us- the teachers, who need to be 100% proficient.
I know that there are many parents who are great and wonderful to their teachers, and for you- I THANK YOU! However, if you haven't today or this week or even this month- appreciate your child's teacher.
Enough teacher blah... I was just frusterated about the meeting this morning and thought that if more people really knew how schools work and the hardships we undertake, we could begin to make a difference. A bigger difference in the lives of our youth.
For those of you who don't know, I am a teacher. Not just any teacher, a special education teacher in a medium sized county in Tennessee. I do not think that a teacher is 'just a teacher' mind you, so my sentence before had no underlying meaning. Teachers are not just teachers any more. Teachers are the adults in your child's life who sees your child the most, in return has the most influence on your child. Now, I am not saying that parents do not see their own children ever- but mathematically speaking- on average, the average teacher spends 6.5 hours with your student a day, taking out the remainder of the school day (1+ hour), and travel time to and from school (average 1 hour)- that's a total of 8 and a half hours that your child is not in your care. Given the way the school day works, families spend most of their time together in the evening- from 5-8, so factoring in dinner and homework- the quality time that children spend with parents is minimal, until the weekend. Now, I say all of that because as a teacher, I REALLY try to do what is best for each student that I teach. Each child comes from a different background and each situation is different. Taking all those factors into account, I would want to keep my child's teacher as happy as possible- after all, that teacher is helping me to raise my child. In fact, many parents leave that up to teachers- raising their child for them. I would love to help parent the 20+ kids on my caseload, but Tennessee has only charged me with educating your child with the standards it sees fit for my grade level. Not only do I have a set of academic standards to teach your child but I also only have 27 weeks to fit 36 weeks of work into that time.... not counting snow days that are inevitable- which always occur before our 5th grade writing assessment. So let me be clear, I am to teach your child standards that the state feels appropriate, be accountable for your test score in the spring and raise your child for you- you know- teach him/her life lessons that you don't have time for. On top of that, the government, yes- government, has decided that I need to be perfect-100% of my kids need to be passing their state mandated test by 2014. WOW.... but wait, I unfortunately am not done. Here is where, 'not just any teacher' comes into play. I am a special education teacher, which means I am legally bound to EVERY child on my caseload, which is different than the regular education teacher. I have IEP's (Individual Education Plan's) for each student on my caseload and I am legally responsible for that student and his/her education. I, like all teachers, assistants, and most staff, are over worked and under paid. Lots of people celebrate the spring, but special education teachers loathe the time of year...only because it is the time of year when IEP meetings have to occur, and state testing occurs. Lots of planning goes into an IEP meeting-creating the IEP itself, gathering all the appropriate members who need to be involved, meeting at a time which everyone has 'free', and discussing one student with the team for at least an hour. My favorite is when parents forget that they have this meeting. No matter how many notices are sent out, no matter if the parent request the meeting, no matter how much I do behind the scenes, it never fails- its never enough.
Today, I had a parent not show for a 7:30 meeting this morning. Mind you, this parent requested the day because she is off on Tuesdays and she requested 7:30. So when she has not shown by 7:45, I know that she isn't coming so I have to call her to see if everything is ok and if she wants us to reschedule the meeting or if I can send the paperwork home. After waking the parent up, from apparently a decent sleep, I basically get yelled at for calling. I apologized for the early phone call for starters, and proceeded to inform the parent that we were supposed to meet at 7:30 and asked if she had planned on coming and if everything was ok. Got snipped at and laughed at when I asked if she was coming in. Our conversation did not last much longer and I hung up and was half-speechless at what just occurred. I have to constantly remind myself that I LOVE my job. I do love my job, I am just tired of busting my butt for the happenings that occurred today- because believe me- it happens often.
So when the government steps in and wants us to be perfect, and wants to start taking things away from us- I get a little perturbed. I want to scream because the legislature has NO IDEA what we go through on a daily basis. Do you think that the government is going to hold parents accountable for the poor living conditions that Johnny experiences, or the fact that Johnny never does any homework because parents are not home to help the kid, or Johnny doesn't get fed but for breakfast and lunch when he is at school- nope, none of that matters to the government. Its just us- the teachers, who need to be 100% proficient.
I know that there are many parents who are great and wonderful to their teachers, and for you- I THANK YOU! However, if you haven't today or this week or even this month- appreciate your child's teacher.
Enough teacher blah... I was just frusterated about the meeting this morning and thought that if more people really knew how schools work and the hardships we undertake, we could begin to make a difference. A bigger difference in the lives of our youth.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Acceptance Speech
I would really like to that this opportunity to thank my friend, Tara Turner, who harassed me enough to create this blog. She, whose primary goal in life is to bother her friends in a loving way, has encouraged me to write about my life. I find my life to be different than most. Between my job as a special education teacher, and Jason's job in the military- we lead a life that is far from 'normal.' Please know that I cannot disclose many details about my life- including questions about Jason or his whereabouts- but I will do my best to share my life with my friends without putting myself or Jason in jeopardy.
So, adding to my very first 'blog', thank you friends for supporting me through the many changes in my life. My title is actually very personal, as it is how I view where I am today. I did not choose the life I lead, the paths I have taken have brought me to where I am today. I cannot tell you how difficult life has been, and continues to be... but with God, friends, and family helping me- it makes the path a little more tolerable.
So, adding to my very first 'blog', thank you friends for supporting me through the many changes in my life. My title is actually very personal, as it is how I view where I am today. I did not choose the life I lead, the paths I have taken have brought me to where I am today. I cannot tell you how difficult life has been, and continues to be... but with God, friends, and family helping me- it makes the path a little more tolerable.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)